Power Struggles 101: How to End the Battle of Wills with Your Toddler
Every parent of a toddler knows the frustration of constant power struggles. From refusing to put on shoes to meltdowns over mealtime, it can feel like every moment is a negotiation. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Why Toddlers Resist
Toddlers crave autonomy. They’re exploring their independence and testing boundaries to understand their world better. However, when parents say “yes” too often or allow negotiations, it teaches toddlers that persistence and resistance pay off. This fuels the very behaviors you’re trying to avoid.
The Hidden Cost of Saying “Yes” Too Often
When toddlers win power struggles, they’re not celebrating a victory—they’re feeling overwhelmed. Without clear boundaries, they sense that their parents aren’t in control, which can make them feel anxious and insecure. It’s crucial to remember that toddlers don’t want to be in charge; they need you to lead.
The 3-Step Strategy to End Power Struggles
1. Be Clear and Direct: Give simple, firm instructions without room for negotiation. For example, “It’s time to put on your shoes now.”
2. Hold Your Ground: Avoid lengthy explanations or debates. Calmly repeat your instruction if needed, perhaps, especially if you feel your child didn’t understand what you were saying.
3. Resist Repeating Yourself Over and Over, but Confidently Take Action: Whether by “bypassing” your little and doing the action yourself compassionately and without anger (ie if they refuse to put their shoes on you do it for them without anger) or, if you have what I gently call a “naughty” or even a “very naughty” child, practicing what I call my “leave out of the action” strategy.
The most important thing you can do is stay calm and confident above the fray by not repeating yourself over and over and not getting into a back and forth argument with your toddler.
The Long-Term Solution
Ending power struggles isn’t about being harsh or authoritarian—it’s about providing clear, confident leadership. When you master this, you’ll find your toddler naturally becomes more cooperative.
Take Back Control
If power struggles are leaving you drained and frustrated, it’s time to shift the dynamic. In The Toddler Code™, I’ll show you how to set boundaries with love and confidence, creating a more peaceful, cooperative relationship with your toddler. Schedule your free 15-minute call today and start transforming your parenting journey.